I get a real feeling that I'm worthless; everything I want to do in life will just be in vain. I feel that once I complete a project, it does nothing to garner any attention. Then onto the next project, I start off with the knowledge that that one won't do anything either. I fear that it will come down to spending my whole life trying to add to the cultural richness of the world, to no avail. Also, that unlike Van Gogh, even after death, I will be unnoticed; my ideas will be largely ignored. Everything is in vain
My head is exploding with ideas. I feel that my family, some I work with, and others who know me think I'm lazy. Other than procrastinating, which comes from a place of 'If I don't start, I cant fail', every free minute of the day (apart from the occasional relaxing), is spent in attempts of being creative and making something of myself. All I get though is a sense that I'm not doing anything of worth. There's not enough time, there's not enough of myself to work on everything I want to accomplish and do.
Thoughts that I might as well resign myself to the lower levels of life, and not attempt anything at all to higher myself and get out because there's no point. I wear clothes that make me look boring, or that I don't make an effort; I think it's more of a disguise. There's no point in pretending to be an elevated person of myself if the things I try and do to achieve that don't work as intended.
I don't want terrible riches or amazing/fast/explosive fame; I just want recognition. I want to live comfortably from doing what I love, with the notoriety of how creative I am. But as I say, every effort I try seems to be in vain.
Moaning over...
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